Monday, October 31, 2011

Happiness is a choice.

I'm silenced when I hear about the real problems that my friends face. 

I see pictures of children in wheelchairs, breathing tubes, severe hypotonia.  My heart clenches and I want to make things better.  I want to reach out and just hug the parents that are in the pictures too.  Sometimes smiling, sometimes caught in the moment of adjusting a child so that they look more comfortable, sometimes frowning and looking exhausted.  My words of support fall far short.

"Whatever you need.  I'm praying for you."  Ever since my children have been born, I've become a watering pot.  I will cry instantly when I perceive some one's pain.  I saw a co-worker cry and tearfully said,  "Why are we crying?  What can I do?"  She started laughing at the instantaneous tears streaming down my face.

I try to be so tough because we're dealing with a lot.  There are times that it feels overwhelming to me.  It's not that my children are low functioning, it's just the amount of children affected. 

"Sit still.  No rocking.  Stop playing with your hair.  No screaming!  No hitting, no biting!  Sit still.  No rocking.  Stop playing with your hair.  No Screaming!  Stop Screaming! Stop screaming!  Why are you screaming?  Why are you crying?  Stop rocking.  Stop rocking.  Look at me.  Look at me.  STOP SCREAMING!!!!"

My life is filled with repetition. But it's filled with love too. 

"Mommy, take a picture.  I'm SMILING!" 

"Mommy, I dancing.  Oh, I'm a good dancer!  Ha ha!"

"Mommy, uh, adaada, uh, dancing."  "Say it again, I'm listening."  "Mommy, you like dancing?"

"Mama! Dancing! Get down! Oh oh!"

The kids danced for an hour straight tonight.  Laughing and giggling, falling over themselves, belly laughing and squealing with delight.  We took pictures and recorded the moments, to be looked at randomly in the future.

I was able to relax and just laugh at their antics.  I tried so hard to memorize what was happening and I'm writing it down now so that the feeling never slips away.  It's so easy to remember the negative things, the memories are burned into my mind but these memories are the ones that I want to imprint into my mind. 

Happiness is a choice.

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