Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I want to run.

"I want to have Ariel hair."

I slowly brushed Bugabuga's hair. We were alone in the bathroom.

"I don't have friends, mom."

"Of course you have friends! What about Krystal?" Krystal is her parah.

"Ooohhh! Yes! Krystal loves me. I'm adorable, you know!"

"I do know. You're a great little girl."

"I'm a little girl. I can't run like CEO and Baby. They run and jump and I'm too little. I'm still a baby. I want to be a big girl. I want to run."

I stopped brushing her hair and turned her to look at me.

"You're a big girl, honey. You just can't run yet. Not everyone can run and jump. It's hard work! Right?"

"Oohh, it's very hard. I try every day but my feet can't do it. I get so tired."

My throat felt tight. My baby girl is starting to see her limitations. She's feeling bad about it. I need to make this better. I need to make her able to run. I need to find a cure for hypotonia.

The reality is there is no cure.

The reality is that she may not run. The reality is that I am over the moon that she can walk as well as she does right now. The reality is that she will more than likely need physical therapy 5 days a week for the rest of her life.

"I don't want you to get tired. Everyone is different and special in their own way. The CEO can sing, Baby can dance and you are very smart. You can write your letters and numbers so well! You can beat the Angry birds game! That's really great. You don't have to run to be great."

My husband walks over. "What are these life lessons that I'm hearing?"

"Bugabuga wants to run." I look at him helplessly.

He looks at Bugabuga, she looks at him with her usual hero worship expression.

"I can't run, Bugabuga. I hurt my leg a long time ago and I can't run anymore. It's okay though."

"YOU can't run, Daddy?" Bugabuga looked shocked. We watched her work through the thought that her Daddy couldn't do something.

"It's okay if I don't run. I'm like Daddy."

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