I have always wanted a son. I wanted a rough-and-tumble little man that was the spitting image of my husband. I wanted a Mama's boy and 5 months after I gave birth to the girls, I got pregnant with my son.
The pregnancy was a breeze compared to the girls' pregnancy. I barely noticed being pregnant except when he would punch my bladder over and over and over. That and the morning sickness which turned out to be more like 24 hour sickness. The doctor gave me something to settle my stomach so that I could keep food down because I was losing weight.
I gave birth on a Monday afternoon, an emergency c-section, which my husband almost missed. I was by myself for most of the laboring and I suddenly felt very light headed. I found a nurse and they checked my sugar. I was hooked up to an IV so fast my head spun. They took my blood pressure and then started calling different doctors in. Did they really expect my blood pressure to stay down if there were about 6 different professionals looking at me very concerned?
The anesthesiologist came and spoke with me. I thought he was egotistical but I didn't have any choice on who was involved in the delivery. They wanted to take me immediately but I asked to call my mom. I started crying on the phone. I was afraid to do this alone.
They wheeled me into the operating room. I leaned forward to get the epidural combo and I felt terrible pain in my back. The anesthesiologist cursed under his breath. I felt another terrible pain and then another. My head was hurting so badly, I started vomiting. A doctor stood in front on me and pushed my shoulders forward and down. "Go, now." Another sharp pain, "Step away, I'll take over." I was stuck 5 times.
Another doctor spoke into my ear, "Take a deep breathe. Now, how do you feel?"
"I nnnnnnnnnnnn oooo aaaaayyyyyyy."
"Slurred speech. Too much went in. We need to check for spinal fluid."
"Your husband is here! We'll let him in in a few minutes and then we'll have a baby!"
I couldn't feel anything, not even my shoulders. I kept forgetting to breathe.
My husband walked in and I was so relieved that I wasn't alone.
My son was born 7 minutes later. The doctors encouraged my husband to go with my son and they worked on me, my breathing was getting worse.
I stayed in recovery for about 6 hours, I wasn't able to regulate my breathing. Over and over I would hear a machine beep and a woman's voice yell at me, "Breathe! Now. Breathe!" And I would take another deep breath until I forgot again.
My husband and brother came into see me and they both looked concerned. I imagine that I looked like shit. The nurse explained that I was having a hard time breathing and they waited around for me to get out of recovery.
My husband stayed with the girls most of the time and I was left to get to know my son. This most wanted and handsome little boy. From the moment I saw him, I called him my Handsome. It was a rare moment that I let him out of my arms so it was not a surprise that on the Wednesday after he was born, when a headache started overwhelming me, he was in my arms. My aunt came to meet her Godson and I played it off. We had visitors. The nurse gave me something for the pain but it didn't touch it. I couldn't eat my dinner after everyone left. The doctors came in to check on me once they were told that I had a persistent headache and lost my appetite.
"We'll keep an eye on you. You look good so far."
It was about 9:30 when I was holding Handsome in my arms in bed. I leaned forward to get up and get him a diaper but suddenly my body spasmed and I clutched his little body to me. "Oh God, please don't let him fall." I screamed and the woman in the next bed rang the emergency bell. I was hanging off the edge of the bed, the pain in my head was making black spots appear and I started vomiting. I turned my head away from Handsome and tried not to choke but I couldn't move. A nurse grabbed him out of my arms and three others picked me up. The doctors were there checking me and drawing blood. I could not comprehend what they were saying. The pain was unbearable.
I was sent for an emergency MRI and it was determined that I had a small spinal tear causing my spinal fluid to slowly leak out to the point that when I moved my brain was not cushioned correctly with fluid causing the terrible, blinding pain. That anesthesiologist, so confident, had fucked up and I went down as a statistic. A complication from birth-a spinal/head injury.
Drug after drug and another procedure, to relieve my pain. My Handsome was with me the whole time and made it bearable. The day that the doctors told me that he was going to be released and I was going to have to stay, I knew that it wasn't going to happen. I signed myself out and went home to my family. It was a terrible recovery and I tend to get migraines now but overall, I could not imagine being separated from my Handsome.
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