Sunday, July 10, 2011
How did this happen?
"How did this happen?"
That question runs through my mind at least once a day. There are several schools of thought. The vaccine group is the loudest and most controversial. I don't believe it for a minute. I think the timing of symptoms and the shots are very close and everyone needs to blame something. Why not blame the shots?
I believe this happened because I used fertility drugs. I remember with frightening detail signing a waiver about autism. I remember questioning it and the doctor saying, "Is there anyone in your family with Autism?" I said no because no one shared that information with me. If I had known, I may not have taken that drug. I probably would have because I wanted a family so badly but I would have made a more educated decision. I can still feel the pen in my hand as I signed my name confidently. Autism will never happen to me.
I know many, many women that have used fertility to get their dream baby. I've read the studies that show that fertility babies are at higher risk for premature labor and developmental delays. I didn't care.
I wanted a baby. And with fertility, you can get a baby but not necessarily a healthy one. Too many parents are becoming versed in OT, PT and Speech Therapy jargon. I feel for the parents that are so excited to hold their little blessing and then find out that they may not have all working parts. It's not supposed to be this way.
I think that Autism is one of the best disabilities to get. Sure, my kids think differently but overall they are healthy as horses. But I see children with organs failing or not working correctly. Diseases that may shorten their little lives and I feel worry and anger toward the specialists that don't explain that the parent path may be rougher and shorter.
But in the quiet urgency of desperation to have a family, even being handed a crystal ball and seeing the potholes in the road, I would have still chosen my children, diagnosis and all. Because nothing in life beats waking up to a loving family, filled with hugs, smiles and laughter.