Friday, July 1, 2011
Sometimes you just cry.
Most days I'm filled with optimism and hope. Most days I can power through any difficulty and it will roll off my back. Most days, I have words of wisdom on handling special needs and challenges. Most days I'm fine because I have everything I have ever wanted.
And some days, things get a little bit too hard. The tantrums and silence are too much. While I gently and firmly hold a flailing baby and she makes contact with my nose and I feel the instant pain as my skin tears open and my nose begins to bleed.
I've got nothing. There are no wise words. There is no comfort for me. I slip into my mommy survival zone, rocking and soothing, repeating over and over in my head,
"God grant my the strength. God grant me the strength. To accept, to accept. Please help me."
I feel so angry. I don't understand. So I pray and pray and I wait to feel the calm.
And once they are all in bed sleeping, I take a deep breathe and cry until I can't breathe. Sometimes, that's the only thing that makes sense.
Sometimes, I just cry.